Tough Love

August 1, 2013

Makeup in this photo all by Stylenanda's 3concepteyes that I bought recently and am in love with...

Going thru a rough patch.... 
I've been trying to be brave and smile everyday, and shopping way too much to cheer myself up, but these things really just don't work for me. Instead I get upset at myself for spending the money after the initial shopping mood wears off haahahah.

Don't know how to put it across or explain what's going on but I've been feeling pretty down and unmotivated, wanting to be alone more than meeting the people I usually always wanna be with. Even when I do meet them/talk to them, they tell me I'm so 'weird' cos I'm not as bubbly.
No mood to do ANYTHING.
Never really felt like this before so I'm just hoping it'll go away soon. 
Wanna be me again really badly too.

Oh and, I'm currently in a lot of pain caused by a crooked spine/super hard and big enlarged muscle on the left of my lower back. Every time I sit or stand for too long, it hurts very badly. Don't remember overexerting myself or carrying anything extra heavy, though.
I went for a massage yesterday and am going for another next week (by a pretty 'famous' massage therapist so I think it should help quite a bit) but I'm not too sure if that is enough if the spine is really very crooked.

Anyone else has had this before and can share some sort of help?


  1. I love your makeup! But on a serious note, I really do hope you feel better. I used to shop like crazy to make myself feel better and just like you, feel even worse because I spent so much. Just try to spend some time alone figuring out what might be the cause and just have a good cry. As for the pain I have never experienced something like that... I hope it is not too serious and I hope you feel better soon!

  2. i suggest u to go for an x-ray or see a physiotherapist. if you say ur spine is crooked, your might have this condition called scoliosis. massage will only relieve the symptoms for a while

  3. Namo Amitabha, hi Rachel, there are two heal for your illness: Medical method and spiritual method.

    01. Medical method: You say you have a big enlarged muscle, is that enlarged muscle a lump that doesn't go away and it has a hair on it? There are two symptoms:

    a. If it is, you have a cancer. You should visit the hospital for cancer check ASAP because if you delay, cancer will take your life :(

    b. If it isn't, your crooked spine has pressures on your lower back muscle over times and make that big enlarged muscle. It doesn't kill you as cancer but when you have some poses, you will be very painful. A therapist may help but it's expensive and he may Not heal your illness. He may heal muscle strains and sprains (like ankle sprain and wrist sprain) but he may not heal your crooked spine. Ask your friends first before you visit him for a heal. If he cannot, you should visit a backbone specialist or a backbone doctor (I don't know how to say his title correctly.) and he will heal your crooked spine completely ~:).

    c. You may call this legendary herb man -_- He has healed thousands and thousands of patients even though they had "unable-to-heal" illnesses !! His master is an legendary herb man in Vietnam and he has two sons work for American hospitals. He makes all of herb medicines into easy-to-take pills or capsules. He Can heal cancer, high blood pressure, liver disease, allergy, etc. completely. He may not heal illness related to backbone and others. You may visit his website at for reference.

    02. Spiritual method:

    a. You may need to change to another job or career because model career has bad karma and influences by suggesting love, sexuality, lust via clothes -_- I see you have a big problem by wearing very short shorts to show all of your thighs :( Why do you have to wear such shorts? I don't know who like to see your thighs but I Do know many ghosts, bad spirits that have hatreds to you from previous lives like the way you wear those shorts very much ^o^-_-:( They know you will have bad karma (maybe very bad) and you will pay for your big mistakes. Many boys and men will fall for 'a thigh to die for' and do many ignorant things, even crazy things, to have sex with 'a thigh to die for' gf. But how about they make many bad karma and pass away before having an opportunity to enjoy their dream sex? They know who kill them indirectly and they will follow you for revenges!!! I think you should change you model career especially wear a longer shorts ASAP! Like BUDDHA preached "On his way to become rich, a person make many bad karma for himself and many others." You should consider very carefully when choosing your job or career because it contributes its part with other activities you do to be born in your next life -_--_--_-

    b. You should recite 'Namo Avolokiteshvara Bodhisattva' (or 'Namo Quan Shi Yin Bodhisattva'), 'Namo Medicine King Bodhisattva', 'Namo Superior Medicine Bodhisattva', 'NAMO AMITABHA BUDDHA' and 'Namo Medicine BUDDHA' many times throughout the day and you will receive tremendous helps ^^:) Do what I advice you and you will recover soon. Sincerely, buddhist Tam Tinh.

  4. I know this is kinda random...but how many Jeffrey Campbell shoes do you own? And where did you get them from? I seldom see you wear them :(( Nice lehhh.

  5. i totally agree with XCB. you need to get an x-ray done and if your spine is really crooked, u need to wear body brace. worst case scenario is surgery to get it done. but i hope that it is nothing serious happen on you (:

  6. Hey girl, I am also facing a similiar problem. I am a lil younger than you so I understand your pains.

    First off, I'd recommend for you to sit up straight as much as possible, so that while correcting your posture (not that i'm saying you've bad posture, just we all tend to slouch easily) it also helps in healing and letting your back rest properly.

    Then, if it still hurts, of course do head to an orthopaedic specialist, I'm sure it isn't more than a strain. Then just stick to the treatment recommended. (For my instance, I had to wear a brace for a while)

    I'll keep you in my prayers as well, I hope to hear that you're better soon! :)

  7. hi! do you mind wearing the ash wedge sneakers and taking a picture of it? :)

  8. Hi Rachel,

    I'm facing the same problem as you do. My doctor once told me that swimming will help to straighten the back bone but I'm too lazy to do it. :/ Hahaha. But you can try tough. Will pray for you. Jiayou!

  9. Hello rachel! I'm a constant reader of yours and I really hope that you'll get better soon! Will pray for you to get better and know that you can always count on God & confide your problems in him! Please stay strong babe!:) x

  10. Hi Rachel,

    I'm having the exact same issue, on and off all the time. I used to be really active all the time, but now since I'm working, I don't really have the time to exercise or do a little stretching. That's when the problem comes back.

    Usually when it happens, I tend to do stretches in the morning and night, before I sleep. Also, before I sleep, I tend to lay my back on a pillow, propping my back up. I feel that sometimes lying on something really soft and fluffy really reduces the pain.

    Hope that you will get better soon! x

  11. Hi :)

    If the pain still persists, do consult an orthopedist for further examination of your back. There is a medical condition called scoliosis - abnormal curvature of the spine. This is a relatively common condition which normally goes undetected until the curvature becomes more severe. The lump is caused by the curved spine and this can be diagnosed upon bending over to touch your toes (one of the routine examination for scoliosis). The doctor may also use a scale to measure the degree of curvature which will determine the type of treatment you should receive. If the curvature is mild, a body brace will do the job. However, if the curvature is a bit more serious, the doctor will suggest surgery to correct the spine as this condition may worsen and will affect your posture/appearance (e.g. having uneven shoulders, lump on back) and health in the future.

    I was informed of having this condition and went for check-ups as recommended. Eventually I underwent surgery as body brace did not improve my condition. The healing period was tough because movements were restricted but after that, everything resumed to normal! If necessary, I could refer you to a specialist in NUH.

    Hope this is of help to you :')

    Take care Rachel!

  12. Hi Rachel

    I had been reading your blog for quite some time. Looking at your current condition mentioned in your post, I believed you might be suffering from the spine condition - scoliosis, as my younger sister discovered this condition while she was around 13. It usually starts to get prominent during the age of puberty, and I'm not sure why but you could have not detected it during your early years.

    1. It is usually a enlarged bone near the back shoulder/lower back rather than a muscle.

    2. You tend to have constant back pains and walking in heels for hours will definitely worsen the condition.

    Hence, I think it is urgent that you should get yourself an X-ray done and seek help from a spine specialist. NUH no doubt is very experienced and specialized in this, and yes, my sister's assigned doctor whom did the surgery on her was recommended by NUH itself.

    After diagnosing your condition, they may arrange for a surgery on your back. Do take care and assess the risks with your family and loved ones, as this is considered a MAJOR OP. Another thing to note is you will have to wear a body brace for at least a year to fuse the spine nicely together. This brace would mean that you could face difficulties dressing up and may take a long time to get used to it.

    Nonetheless, wish you all the best! Take care. (;


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