"Save Your Judging For The Mirror"

April 28, 2015

Very wordy post about something I've thought about quite a bit but never really sat down with the feel to write about it ; People judging other people. 

If you're not one for hearing rants or hearing me talk about things that I care about/feel.. then go ahead and skip this post coz there are loads of pictures you can look at instead below and above!

You know, I'm not afraid to say it. 
I am guilty of letting others judge me and even being stupid enough to almost begin accepting it as fact sometimes because there are days when I'm simply too weak to think straight and people can be so goddamned mean sometimes.. 

And OF COURSE I have been guilty of judging people before ; but recently I really have learnt to look at someone and know that not every single one of their actions define them. Sometimes people are just in a bad place and their past hurt and regrets make them do things a certain way that perhaps not all of us think are 'okay' to do. 

I'm tired of being judged. 
Not by strangers, because honestly, what does a stranger know? 
What can you tell about me from my social media? What can you know about me from googling my name?
You see what I choose to show or have shown.. that's all you know.

What I'm tired of is being judged by people I have interacted with before, the ones I almost let in or want to let in. 

And the one that affects me the most? Family. 
Don't get me wrong. 
My family is my family - It will always be my parents and sister and they will always be number one to me. They have brought me up with teaching me that there is never any judging done in the family and standing by each other no matter what, especially in the hardest of times, is always the 'protocol'. Because that is what family is to me. Family is love and vice versa. 

And then... There are relatives that are related to me by blood that are also, by nature, called 'Family'. The ones I see on special occasions throughout the year. 

I hardly get to see them, so when I do, what I like doing is to catch up on their lives. I'd like to find out how things have been going, see that they're well and I do care. I do want to see them happy. And when I was younger, I always thought it was mutual.

But more than once, what I've gotten is 'judge'y reactions. 

And yes, it is enough for me to go home and think about it because why is it that I don't judge them but they gotta judge me? All that 'get a 'proper' education, get a 'proper' job' stuff... They can't even be happy for me, telling me things like how I shouldn't buy a Birkin at my age, asking me how long I think this will last in a way that pretty much says 'You know it's not gonna last so why on earth are you doing it?', and why not I find something that doesn't need an unwrinkled/pretty face to make money from.

I do have a proper education.
I was born in Singapore, I think Mr Lee made sure of this for most of the people from my generation onwards. 
I'm not good at my studies, I'm pretty average - I got 225 for my PSLE, 12 points for Os, then a diploma after that in Fashion Communications from Lasalle (boy, was that a tough ride) ... 
Is that not proper in your mind? Why does your idea of proper have to be mine? 

Just because you have a traditionally 'good' job, or you work for the government and have a desk job that 'guarantees' your livelihood.. That makes your job is more proper than mine? 

So many people go to work everyday dreading it. I see it in my friends, even my family and that includes my relatives as well.

I, for one, can say I don't dread my work at all. 
I a b s o l u t e l y l o v e my job and have always told people who tell me I'm lucky that HELL YES I am so blessed time and time again with many opportunities I never thought was possible! 
I wear things or go places or use things that I like or would have purchased/visited anyway for free, then get paid to share about it. What's not to love?

Sure. The amount of emails I get can be annoying to handle because I have ADHD and sitting down to reply emails is so hard for me but I still insist on doing it myself although many have told me to go hire someone to reply them because I really like interacting with clients. 
I'm always told to 'raise my standards' and told not to do so many blogshop/webstore ads but to me, that is how I started and that is how I got here and I'll always have a soft spot especially for the ones who have been clothing me for as long as I can remember... I'm always very grateful. I'll be honest and say it's something I still struggle with... saying 'no' to the ones who got me here, I still don't think it's right.

 Yes. Handling and watching the amount of backstabbing/phoniness about people is hard, and boy do I get angry when I hear the ones who think plastic surgery or aesthetic procedures make people 'fake' and daringly call them so when really, what's fake is having somebody tell me she hates someone else or even her dirtiest darkest secret yet still goes on posting pictures together like best friends. 

This has happened so many times I find myself not wanting to be 'friends' with most people I meet in the industry (sorry but it's true and that's the sub-reason why I'm hardly at events, the main reason being I don't really know how to socialize.. I'm pretty awkward) because it seems to be a norm that people do this. THAT is fake. I do not want to do it and I dislike it very much. 

I'm being really honest here.. All of these bad stuff are true, and part and parcel of my job. 
But hey, the good outweighs the bad by far and that's what counts.
I'm always very happy and thanking God, waking up everyday knowing I have the job that I have.. I don't think many people can say that.

Of course I have bigger dreams than this and D'OHH I know I can't do this forever. I'm not living in a bubble, I know what is real and what is not. This is temporary, everything is. But I do believe in God and I do believe with the love and support I have from my loved ones I will eventually get there, and of course I have savings that aren't so temporary.. safely tucked away, growing by the year, and plans for a rainy day. 

At least for now, I can say I'm happy with my job! And being happy in this world now is hard so of course I don't wish to choose otherwise. I wish people could also do the same and not judge me based on what makes ME happy just because you can't understand it.

In your mind, will I always just be 'one of those bloggers'? Or whatever you find on google about me? How about not judging anyone at all and save it for the reflection you see in the mirror instead.
Afterall, the only person we should try to be better than is the person we were yesterday. Cheesy as f*ck but very true....

Abrupt end here to move on to something else, (but still related...)

Something else that has been bugging me may seem really silly but it has! And that is people giving me an offended look, or a 'what, why???' kinda look when I mention that I like the Kardashian clan especially Kim. 

I hear a lot of people laughing at her and saying things like 'Oh what's she famous for? A sex tape? LOL.' 

Wanna know what do I think about that? 
Well, I think that not only is she one of the most influential people in the world and so very beautiful but she's also married to one of the most creative talents of our century and her entire family has a reality show EMPIRE that has made them millions and millions of dollars.


Yes so she made a mistake a long time ago.. NO I DO NOT THINK A SEX TAPE TO GET FAMOUS IS RIGHT BY ANY MEANS and yeah maybe she/her family's made big mistakes more than once, but hey. 
How many of us can say we've never made a mistake before? Plus they're in the spotlight so everyone sees their mistakes and it truly is amplified, unlike us. Only we know. Just that we forget it so much more easily.

She/her momager turned something really bad into something awesome, it gave their entire family everything they could ever want... What's wrong with turning something bad into something great?

It's definitely necessary to sit yourself down when you've made a mistake and tell yourself never to do it again, perhaps beat yourself up a little bit over it for a few days if you must. (So guilty of this) 
But to let others let it define you? Or even worse, let yourself be defined by it? 

"You're not perfect but you're not your mistakes."

There can be some pretty shitty situations we humans can get ourselves. That includes sex tape leaks, letting the people we love and who love us down in the worst ways possible... Shitty, shitty situations. 

But no matter the situation, I hope you pick yourself up and go on. 
Be better. Don't let others judge you in this way and let yourself down again just because you think that's what people will always want to think of you so you give up trying to change something just coz it's so difficult to change.

I'm no role model, have never claimed to be or wanted to be one, but the stuff I've talked about today are things I believe in very much because someone I look up to and is very dear to me taught me to treat myself with such resilience and treat others with the same open mindedness.. 

To try to understand people and accept that they have the right to choose how they want to live their lives as long as it isn't morally wrong, and not judge them based on their past mistakes or anything like that.
Whether it be their choice of job, or hair colour, or getting aesthetic procedures...  
And hell, even becoming a woman just because deep down that's what they feel like they should be! WHY THE HELL NOT??(Holla Bruce Jenner...! You go, gurl ~)

What gives us the power to say or even think that someone shouldn't be doing something with their lives the way they want to?  We need to love each other so much more instead of putting labels on others. I think this is what the world really needs more of.